There are so many things that have happened in the last few days. Extremes of emotions, from one end of the spectrum to the other, have kept me on a virtual roller coaster ride mentally. I've had trouble focusing on a single clear thought to be able to write about, so I just haven't. Written, that is. They buried my friend on Saturday and I was privileged to sing and play according to her wishes. I was reminded by the minister that we didn't need to worry about living a life full of many years but, more importantly, we should attempt to live years full of life. Then Saturday evening was a time of fun and friendship as my fellow Red Hat Sisters and I celebrated a belated Valentine's with our hubbys. All weekend I battled a physical condition, of which I will spare you the details, that, because of the sheer length of the time I have suffered with it, has tended to cause me mental depression. And then Sunday morning I was reminded of how much God loves me and that He still answers prayer. Since then I have rested on that knowledge as I carry the burden of the sufferings of those that I love and care about. The second paragraph in my second letter (Christmas 1997) says this, "I've learned some things this year: A person can be happy, even in the midst of hard times, God does love us and He is mindful of us at all times and in every situation, and family and friends are two of the most precious possessions a person can have. Of course, I knew these things before, but not like I know them now." I actually could repeat that paragraph every year, especially that last sentence. Why would I, or anyone for that matter, give up that security for something temporal?
The society we live in today is obsessed with the idea of being independent from God. The song, "I Did It My Way", is typical of the prevailing attitude of the masses. They don't think they need God. They think they're self-sufficient. The other buzz word we hear a lot these days is "Change". We need change. And change is what we are getting! In every arena, change is coming so fast that it is scary. I'll grant you, some change is good. If we're going in the wrong direction, we need to change. But what is the measuring tool with which we can determine if change is needed or not? I present to you, my opinion is this: if MY way runs parallel to HIS way, then I don't need to change. And the vice versa is true. I've seen so much "stuff" that masquerades as good when, all along, it is My Way. I guess we could call it the "New Good". I can't imagine how we could think we could improve on the most perfect proven system ever created!
I think one reason I have been feeling these extremes in emotion is that I have been working on myself for a while now, attempting to make myself better by examining my life to this point. I've taken a hard look at my past: my failures and my successes, my victories and defeats. Things I would change if I could do it over. Lessons I've learned and people and things that have influenced me. Risks taken, contributions made. Changes I need to make. I've looked at my "assets", both physical, mental, spiritual, tangible and intangible. I've considered what I would do if I had only 24 hours to live. I've looked at what I want my end to be. I've written my obituary. My epitaph. I've determined what are my core values. I've written a mission statement and a vision statement. I've interviewed myself and attempted to determine my strengths, weaknesses, obstacles and threats. Then I've interviewed others to get a picture of how they see me. I've tried to pick a few things that others see I need to work on to make them my project for the upcoming year. As you can imagine, the emotions evoked by all of this activity bring me to a particularly vulnerable state. There are certainly things in my life that I would like to change but then there are those things, core values, standards and beliefs that I wouldn't change for all the gold in the world. I see people making apparent "paradigm shifts" in areas that are "Landmark" in their importance. I don't understand how they can expect to get the same results with different actions.
There may indeed be an easier way but, all I know is that I want MY way to be HIS way.
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