Stepping Heavenward

When I was just a young girl, I read the book titled "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss.  Mrs. Prentiss lived from 1818 to 1878.  I can't seem to locate my book at this time:  I have a rather large library for a home library and I have books everywhere so it could be anywhere; so I'm not sure what printing my particular copy is.  It is quite old, however.  The book has been reprinted numerous times and, in my estimation, it is a classic.  I see in looking on the internet that you can even buy it as an e-book.  I'm not sure if my copy had the subtitle that is on the reprinted ones or not, but I like it and I think it sums up the book quite well:  One Woman's Journey to Godliness.  The way I have always described it is: it is about the struggles of a young woman as she strives to become what she should be in Christ and...step Heavenward.  I love the description that Amazon gives, and I quote it here:  ""How dreadfully old I am getting! Sixteen!"" So begins 'Stepping Heavenward' by Elizabeth Prentiss, the journal-like account of a nineteenth century girl who learns, on the path to womanhood, that true happiness can be found in giving oneself for others. ""This book is a treasure of both Godly and womanly wisdom told with disarming candor and humility, yet revealing a deep heart's desire to know God,"" says noted Christian speaker Elisabeth Elliot. ""I do not hesitate to recommend it to men, who need to understand the wives they live with, and to any woman who wants to walk with God.""      Stepping Heavenward: One Woman's Journey to Godliness by Elizabeth Prentiss

This book made quite an impression on me as a young girl and I have thought about it and it's concepts many times down through my life.  Stepping Heavenward is a process.  Paul talked about it a lot.  He had to "die daily."  He talked about the struggles of the spiritual man against the flesh and how he would end up doing the things he didn't want to do and the things he wanted to do, he didn't.  He vowed to bring his body under the control of the Spirit.  I could relate to Katherine, the "Woman" in the book, as she endeavored to pray and all kinds of distractions bombarded her.  Her thoughts would wander and she struggled with what words to say.  Stepping Heavenward is, indeed, a journey.  I speak as to what we are trying to do, not the title of the book.

That brings me to the particular point in "the journey" where I find myself today.  As some may know, we began yet another Daniel's Fast just over a week ago.  I have been blogging about our experience on a physical level in my health and wellness blog: Take Charge of Your Life.  I promised to blog on here about the other side of things.  Fasting is one of those spiritual disciplines that nobody likes to do.  It is easy to find an excuse to not do it.  But I am afraid that it is a necessary and vital part of our journey to Godliness.  Jesus said, in Matthew 6:16, "When ye fast...."  not "If".  This is right after He taught them how to pray and gave them the example of what we call "The Lord's Prayer."   Fasting definitely should be something that one does under the leadership of the Spirit and is coupled with much prayer.  In fact, as I have heard it said and read it several times:  Fasting without prayer is just a diet.  While it is physically extremely healthy and good for you, even that part has, or should have, a spiritual end or purpose.  When I start to think about what it does for the body, I always end up with spiritual results.  Fasting is physical.  Our bodies are the temples of God and we are to take care of our temples.  We are to deny our flesh; to "keep it under", to practice self-control, to diminish the physical so the spiritual can flourish.   Fasting effects a physical change that makes way for a spiritual change.  How?  The detoxification that occurs when you fast brings a clearing of the mind, improved health, more energy, keener senses, greater understanding, and a heightened spiritual sensitivity.  It helps us develop the fruit of the Spirit of Self-Control.  Of course, you must be searching for those things in order for you to find them.

Some things, as Jesus told His disciples, "come only through prayer and fasting."  This proves to me that Fasting should have a purpose.  That purpose could be simply to draw closer to God.  Daniel fasted in order to stay away from defiled things but also to stay true (come closer) to His God.  To separate himself from one thing and to cling to another.  To define a line over which he refused to cross.  A quote from the book I am using in this particular fasting time says:  "Sometimes you are so hungry, the only way to be fed it to fast."  I am seeing God move in our lives, my husband's and mine, in this Fast and before, as we contemplated beginning the Fast.  I am sure we have varying differences on what we feel as our individual purposes for Fasting, but we are unified in many of those goals.  We have joined with our family across miles as our Son and his family and church participate in a corporate, Called Fast.  Even though I am not there in the flesh, I can sense, through our phone conversations, a unity and a oneness in purpose in them as a family unit and I see God's Hand hovering over them and blessing them and drawing them to Himself.  An evidence of that very thing came in our phone conversation last night:  during their dinner conversation, our granddaughter's began to ask about Fasting and why Mommy and Daddy were fasting.  As a result of that questioning, our 8 year old declared that she wanted to fast with Mommy and Daddy and, when asked why, it was that her younger sister, 6-year-old Jordan, would receive the Holy Ghost.  Jordan agreed on both accounts and even included that she wanted to be baptized!  So they are Fasting today, at least for breakfast, and their purpose, and ours, as we continue our Fast, is for Jordan!  Fasting is a powerful tool in our Spiritual Arsenal if we will just use it and allow God to use us in it!  Our God is amazing!

My favorite scripture about Fasting is found in Isaiah 58:8, and I quoted it in my posts on Take Charge of Your Life:  "Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily...."  That's where I stopped in my quoting, but I love the rest of it:  "And thy righteousness shall go before thee, the glory of the Lord shall be thy rereward.  Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer, thou shalt cry, and He shall say, 'Here I Am.'"  Such an awesome promise.  And, no, I didn't miss-spell that word.  It is "rereward."  I've wondered about that word and, in attempting to understand it in the Hebrew and Greek dictionaries, my understanding is that it means that the Lord is going to gather together everything that we need and He will destroy totally everything that is against us!  Wow!  I stand on that Promise and the knowledge that, when I call, He will answer and say "Here I Am!"  What else do we need as we continue to 'Step Heavenward'?

What Do I Want From 2013?

"You can't change your past, but you can learn from it to make your future brighter!"  I shared this status post from one of my FaceBook friends just now because it so concisely says what I have been thinking today about this past year (2012) and the up-coming year of 2013.  We can't undo our past, but, we are not wise if we do not realize that our past is what brought us to our present.  

There is a mathematical concept that has fascinated me ever since I learned about it:  the Fibonacci number.  To quote Wikipedia, "  By definition, the first two numbers in the Fibonacci sequence are 0 and 1 (alternatively, 1 and 1), and each subsequent number is the sum of the previous two.  In mathematical terms, the sequence F_n of Fibonacci numbers is defined by the recurrence relation. In mathematics, the Fibonacci numbers or Fibonacci series or Fibonacci sequence are the numbers in the following integer sequence: 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, ...    A number is added to the previous number to make the next number.  This concept is used in computer algorithms and biological settings, to name just two.

The relation of this series to what I am talking about is, that it would not be possible, without using the past, to direct the future.  It was said, "Those who cannot remember their past are doomed to repeat it."  At the very least, by looking at our past, we can learn what NOT to do and, hopefully, we should have learned what TO do.  With that being said, we should not dwell on the past but we should use it as a springboard to propel us into our future.  Paul said, "Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus".  It's like using the side of the swimming pool to push yourself forward and give yourself a head-start, so to speak.
So what do I want from 2013 because of 2012?  What do I want to do with 2013?  Who do I want to see in the mirror in 2013?  I lost some things in 2012 but then I gained some things.  I learned some things in 2012.  I learned I could survive losses.  In 2013 I want to have a greater appreciation for what God has given me.  I want to show that appreciation through my life, actions and words.  I want to honor God in every way, especially by taking care of what He has given me:  my life, my body, and my gifts.  I want a greater understanding of the fact that everything I have belongs to Him and everything I am is because of Him.  I want a greater impact on the lives of others, through actions, lifestyle, and words.  I don't want to take anything or anybody for granted.  Life is precious and I want to nurture it in every way.  I want to be a Voice.  I want to speak Truth.  I want to know when to speak and when to keep silent.  I want to stand up with confidence and, knowing that my God is Faithful, take back what the enemy stole from me, with full reassurance that I will recover it all!  God is Faithful!

Don't Listen For the Imperfections

My oldest granddaughter has a voice that carries....loudly.  And she knows how to use it. She has to be reminded to use her "inside voice" quite often.  I know she gets on a lot of people's nerves, including her mother's.  That's not surprising since her mother has a lot of voices pulling at her with three little ones and her many needy patients in her work, just to name a few.  I have to admit there are times when I even get a little frustrated with Rachel but overall, her voice is music to me.  From the time I first heard her cry outside that hospital delivery suite when she made her loud entrance into this world to the time I first heard her coin the name Mamoo at 1 year of age, to the present, the sound of her voice always captures my heart.  Now, understand, my other two grandchildren mean as much to me as Rachel, but they are all unique in their own special ways.  I love them dearly.  They are the light of my life without a doubt.  But a thought that occurred to me from a recent comment made to me prompted this post.

Rachel is much like her daddy.  She is musical.  She is always singing.  I remember her daddy, when he was little, would sing to the top of his lungs while sitting on the potty!  It was funny.....but precious.  He was always making noises or singing or drumming on his chest....or whatever was handy at the time.  I'm afraid not much of that has changed, though, thankfully, most of his has been channeled constructively into beautiful original songs and melodies, both vocal and instrumentally.  Rachel is extremely independent and very extroverted.  She's going to be a song writer as well, I'm sure.  She makes up her own songs and melodies.  Some of them need work.  She already has a beautiful voice and can carry a tune very well.  But, also like her daddy, she likes to make up silly songs and this is where the rub is.

The family was sitting in our living room relaxing recently after a delicious meal prepared by my daughter-in-law and Rachel, along with Jordan and Ellie, were in the other room playing.  I'm so accustomed to their sounds of playing that a lot of things that might give pause to someone else doesn't even register with me.  Rachel was making up another one of her silly melodies and her mother, who was very tired after a long day of traveling prior to making dinner, commented on the chalkboard scratching effect it had on her tired ears and asked me if it didn't bother me.  And, truthfully, I hadn't even noticed.  I thought about it later and this thought occurred to me.  I think there comes a softening with age to a lot of things.  Grandparents, especially, have had the "edges" rubbed off to where irritations don't "catch" as much.  We don't notice the imperfections.  I think love plays a part in it, too.  Not that we love any more than our younger children, but we definitely love differently.  And then another thought occurred to me.  I'm so thankful that when my Heavenly Father listens to my pitiful cries and the messed up melody of my life that He doesn't hear the imperfections.  I am music to His hears! 

Sing on, my little one, just use your "inside voice" when it's appropriate! 

Life Happens

When I first began this blog, I explained my theme thus: 

"And then, the theme. What is the point? What is the common thread that ties all my letters together? It hit me about a year ago. They're about becoming. Life really does have meaning. Even in the little, ordinary, sometimes dreary details. It's all a process. And the verses in Jeremiah 29 came to me (vs 11-14): "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the Lord; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive." No, I don't think Mississippi is captivity! (Is it apropo to say "LOL" in blogging?) It's all about His Plan For Me. It is a journey, and I love it!"

My next letter is from Christmas 1999.  The one reference I want to take from that letter is one of those instances where an almost tragedy in the present time can be viewed from the future with more wisdom and hindsight to realize that it is a part of His Plan as well.  It certainly taught me about trust.  Trust in God and His response to that trust.   Desperation can affect our posture towards God and indeed increase our faith.  God, you have to do this for me.  I cannot do anything about it but You can and I need You to take care of it!  I do not minimize it to the point of it being the "rain" that showers on the just and the unjust alike, but, many times, it is a part of life. . . and life happens.  And I quote:

"Delbert finished his first year of college this year.  He did very well - especially in the bands, of course.  We did a lot of traveling to hear him play and he and several of his friends from Bruce High School were featured a lot as soloists in the Jazz Band - especially Jeremy Freelon, who plays the drums really well.  (Jeremy came to our family reunion with us in September and played with Delbert and I as part of the entertainment.  We also performed for the American Cancer Society Relay for Life in Oxford.)  Even though he did well at Northwest Mississippi Community College, Delbert was not really happy and was very confused as to what to do with his life - at least as far as his education was concerned.  One thing he was and is very sure about is his main purpose in life - serving God.  He accepted his call into the ministry this year - a fact about which we are extremely pleased.  He considered going to Bible College but knew that he would have to work a year to be able to afford to do so.  He worked a short while at Office Max in Tupelo and then went to work at Southern Quality Meats in Pontotoc.  On July 29th he was on his way home from work and apparently fell asleep at the wheel.  He lost control of the car and had a "run-in" with two big trees.  The lady who got to him first felt sure he was dying.  His car was totally demolished and he was trapped in it.  It took the EMT's almost an hour to extricate him from the car with the "jaws of life" tool.  They felt sure his legs were all broken up and his shoes are still "buried" in the car.  They said that he had several broken vertebrae in his neck.  X-rays at the Pontotoc Hospital confirmed the fractured vertebrae.  He was very disoriented and could only get his last name out at first.  It seems a tiny bubble of air had gotten into the lining of his brain through a deep laceration above his left eye and was causing the disorientation.  Needless to say, I was very distraught when they finally located me and I got to the hospital.  Delbert looked a mess!  There is no way I can describe how I felt, but you mothers probably have a good idea.  They transported him to the North Mississippi Medical Center in Tupelo and I rode in the ambulance with Him and prayed all the way.  I told the Lord I needed Him to touch Delbert - especially his neck.  I was so very scared.  God is truly a miracle worker!  When we got to Tupelo, they x-rayed him from one end to the other!  They did a Cat Scan and all kinds of tests.  Their x-rays showed NO FRACTURED VERTEBRAE, NO CONCUSSION OR BRAIN DAMAGE, and only a tiny piece of bone pulled away with a ligament under his left knee.  He has a plate and a screw in the orbital socket above his left eye, two plates in his left hand and a screw under his left knee.  The small scar above his left eye only adds "character" to his already handsome face!  The bubble of air dissipated and Delbert finally realized where he was.  (At first, every time someone asked him if he knew where he was, he replied, "At Church." - I believe he was.  In his spirit - resting in the arms of his Lord.  I wished that I could read minds!  Nevertheless, Delbert is a changed person!  His speech, his preaching, his whole outlook on life is transformed!  He now has a new job with Presley Publications and Fax of the Day as their Web Administrator.  He does their e-mail and Internet work, designing and maintaining their Web Page, etc.  He loves it and finally feels that he may have found his niche vocationally.  He's taking Web design and other computer and Internet classes and takes his work quite seriously."

I can still recall those same intense feelings of desperation I had back then when I think about it.  I'm so very thankful when I look at him now . . . at the fine man he has become . . . and the beautiful grandchildren he has given me!  Which thought requires me to give you the next little paragraph of my Christmas 1999 letter:

"Do you recall in my letter last year the "female" friend that I hoped I would be able to write more about this year?  Well, I got my wish!  Her name is Jennifer Ervin and she is a sweetheart!  I could not wish for anyone more perfect for Delbert to have in his life.  She's beautiful, talented (sings like an angel and plays the piano wonderfully), very good natured and gracious, and, best of all, she adores Delbert.  (She even likes me, too.  :o)  )  Needless to say, the feeling is very mutual!  Jennifer begins her last semester of nursing school in January after which she will be an RN.  I can't say enough good about this subject and, I'm sorry, but I can't hide how I feel about it, either.  Jennifer's parents are really super people and they have done an excellent job in raising the daughter!"  And, as they say, the rest is history!

Just another example of how Life Happens in this wonderful journey of His Plan For Me!

 

Leaders Have Leaders

 Confused?    Don't be.

I have been conducting a discussion with a group that I created on a social networking site about John Maxwell's book, "Everyone Communicates, Few Connect" for quite some time now.  I have mentioned this book in my blog to you previously as well.  This, my latest message to the group, was something that I feel very strongly about and thought you might find it interesting as well.  I began my message as follows:

Confused?  Don't be.  I want to take a little break from my discussion of John Maxwell's book to talk a little bit about a very important aspect of leadership. The book we've been discussing is about leaders connecting with their "audience" (whatever shape that term takes). And this is a good place in our discussion to detour somewhat because we have covered the five principles of connecting and part 2 is about connecting practices - putting those principles into action. In other words, we know what and why, we now need to know how. So, here in the middle, I want to give you a little insight of my own.

I've had some experiences this week that have really brought what I'm about to discuss to the forefront on my mind. I don't want my title to confuse you, but maybe you'll understand if I say it a different way.

Leaders are followers. Plain and simple. You cannot lead if you do not know how to follow. For one thing, you will not be able to relate to your followers because you will have never been in their shoes, so to speak. How can you teach if you've not been taught? You first had to learn. And some may say, "Yes, I had a leader, a teacher, but now I'm the leader and teacher." The thing is, if you quit learning you become stagnant. If you quit receiving, you begin to dry up. If you quit growing, you begin to die.

And so, it is extremely important that you, as a leader, have a leader. Or you could use the term Mentor. I'm very thankful for the leaders in my life. I believe they have taught me well. I lead in many different arenas. I've managed employees. I've raised children, for sure. I've run several offices. I am a musician and I lead in that area, as well, as a teacher, a director, and a department head. I could never do any of these things if I was not willing to be taught and to learn from others.

I know that some of you probably have different opinions from myself where spiritual matters are concerned, but I am thankful for my spiritual leader. I actually have two of those. Biblically speaking (contrary to popular belief) my husband is a spiritual leader in my life, and then I have an awesome Pastor. I am not afraid, ashamed, or threatened to submit to good leadership. In fact, that leadership gives me the confidence to aspire to and achieve greater things in life than I could have ever imagined.

Some leaders in my life, don't even know me. I have submitted myself to their teachings of my own accord because I believe that what they have to teach me is of great value. I will readily admit that I don't know it all. I follow these individuals' writings and attempt to assimilate the principles they teach into my own life because I want to be as successful as they are. You can probably guess that one of these individuals is John Maxwell. And Darren Hardy is another, along with the late Jim Rohn and others.

It's all about submission, really. And I know that that word is not a popular word in this society. I'm sure that when some think of the word submission they put it in a wrong context. It's not about slavery. It's about taking advantage of the knowledge and expertise of that leader and being willing to learn from them and glean all that you can. You must have a hunger for knowledge. And then, what you receive, you can turn around and let it flow out of you to someone else and the circle will be complete.

I concluded my message in a different way than I want to conclude it here, although, you may be interested in checking out one particular site that I encourage the group to check out.  There is great value to be had in learning how to be successful and the pitfalls to look for when searching out money making opportunities:
http://mytritschcareers.com/

But, to conclude my message here. . . .

The last point I want to make about following in order to lead is that one must be willing to put aside preconceived ideas and notions of self-promotion and take instruction, which could (and probably would) include constructive criticism, before learning could ever occur.  You've probably heard the term, "Man up!"  We have to swallow our pride, admit that we need instruction, and "take it like a man!"  We have to remember that others are following us and they learn from our actions.  Let's teach them to be great leaders and give them the knowledge that Leaders have Leaders.

Get the Picture?

Back to Christmas 1998 . . .

Well, history repeated itself and I was able to obtain a copy of the lost page in my 1998 annual Christmas letter, thanks to my mother.   That's the way mothers are . . . . they never throw away anything their kids do!  So my collection is complete . . . again.

When I originally thought about putting my letters into book form, I envisioned just inserting each year "as is."  But, I soon began to realize that I needed to revisit each letter and sort of flesh them out and, as I said before, omit some of the mundane (to others, not me) things about personal happenings of the years and get to the essence of each letter.  This became even more important when I decided to put it in blog form.  Another factor was, is, that my earlier writings were a bit more elementary in form even to my untrained eye.  I think I've gotten better as the years have gone by.

I started on my 1998 letter a couple of posts ago talking about the value of time and, having found the lost page, I have one more thing I want to say about that.  In addition to my letters being evidence of how very busy my life is and how my time is filled to the brim, I talked about my son in the last paragraph of that lost page:

"What about (my son)?  He finished his senior year at Bruce High School with honors.  He has said it was the best year of his life (he'll probably say that about some other years, too.)" [And he most definitely has.]  "He lived with a dear friend [name omitted] while he finished after we moved and she can never know just how much her hospitality meant to him and to us.  He received a lot of recognition for his musical abilities and in fact started at Northwest Mississippi Community College on full music scholarship, instrumental and vocal.  It just amazes us the ministry God has given him in music.  He even got to audition for Ace Cannon!  Speaking of ministry, he accepted his call into the ministry this past summer, and this may change the direction he goes as far as college is concerned.  He will still have a major focus on music, especially as a vehicle to further his preaching ministry.  Pray for him as he decides what he and God wants to do with his life.  He became a published author this year for his poem "Precious Time".  He continues to write music, songs, and poetry prolifically.  We are so very proud of him. . . ."  I could not possibly talk about time without sharing this poem with you. . ..

Precious Time
By T. Delbert Tritsch, Jr.

I try not to consider
What will become of you and me
When our time here is over
And we both have to leave.


I can try to deny or ignore it,
Whichever be the case,
But no matter how hard I try,
This question stares me in the face.


Sometimes I think that maybe
It would've been best if we
Had never even met;
Then I would be free,


But to be prisoner to this love,
Even with uncertainty,
Makes me less a captive
Than if I were free.


I only know the past,
And the future's yet unseen,
So while we're here together,
Spend the present with me.


The other thing that strikes me about this letter is my redundant use of the phrase, "You get the picture?"  When I write, I try to pay attention to words and phrases that are repeated and, when I find them, I change them to other words and phrases.  Apparently, back then, I wasn't paying that much attention!  I talked about turning 40 and feeling like I was fading into the background (I grayed early), accentuated by having my driver's license picture taken against a light blue background.  Sort of like wearing camo in the woods.  But that physical evidence only amplified what I was feeling emotionally.  And I said,  "you get the picture?".  I also talked about the marvelous opportunity that was afforded my husband when he went on a medical missionary trip to Mexico and made false teeth for poor people there.  I did not get to go and that disappointment was compounded by the fact that we moved into a new house (to us) and one or two days later he left on the trip.  I was left to pick up the pieces, so to speak, with unpacking and everything that goes along with a move.  Again, I said,  "you get the picture?". 

The whole idea behind that phrase is that I know you, my readers, can relate.  You can probably think of examples and experiences in your life that are very similar to mine.  And that fact gives me comfort.  I'm not alone in this world.  You really do "get the picture!"  So why should I ever have a pity party?  And I think that's what the writer of Ecclesiastes was pointing out when he said, in chapter 1, verse 9, "The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun."  Somebody, somewhere, has already experienced what I am experiencing right now.  Isn't that neat?  If we need help, we've just got to find the right person. 

And . . . in light of that fact also, we need to offer the benefit of our experiences to others so they won't feel alone and out-numbered in their life either. 

You get the picture?

Lean on Me

For 13 years now I have participated in an annual Mother-Daughter Banquet at our church, and, for 3 years now we've also had a Mother-Son Banquet.  For this year we combined the two banquets due to scheduling conflicts.  Our combined themes were:  My Sister's Keeper and My Brother's Keeper.

Our focus was this:

All women have problems that they are afraid, or too embarrassed, to talk about.  Many have the exact same problems.  They suffer in silence, feeling they are all alone in the world.  If we would just dare to become vulnerable to each other, we would find a wealth of support and empathy in our sisters around us.  The unique friendships of women offer a web, or network, of support unparalleled in humankind.  Women connect with other women on an emotional level.  They have a gift for intimacy.  Even as little girls they openly show more affection to their friends than do little boys.  They share confidences.  Why not take advantage of those natural tendencies in the friendships of women and lean on each other in our times of trouble?  Who knows, our burdens may seem a little lighter, when we realize that we're really not all that different from each other.

Men are different.  They connect differently.  When the biblical question was posed:  "Am I my brother's keeper?" it indicated a feeling of responsibility.  The answer, of course, was an unspoken, but loudly understood "YES!"  We are focusing on the Mentoring aspect of men's relationships with other men.  Especially older to younger.  If one generation fails to mentor and train the next generation, where will we find ourselves?  Mentoring occurs in big, as well as small ways.  And the terms "older" and "younger" can also apply to spiritual age as well, without regards to physical age.

We had three very excellent segments given by two dear ladies in our church and one man - my husband.  These dealt with, first:  Secrets Women Keep (I'm Hurting and I Wish Someone Knew);  We're Not All That Different (I've Got the Same Problems); and I Am My Brother's Keeper (with a focus on Mentoring).  They were all wonderful, but I didn't write them so I'm not publishing them here (maybe later, with their permission).

We did an activity set to the song "Lean On Me" where different individuals stood and voiced a problem in their lives that they faced that caused them distress of some kind and then one or two other individuals who had faced a similar situation offered support by word and action, saying, "Lean on me, when you're not strong!  I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on!"  And with other words of their own.

My topic was "Creating a Web of Support" and I offer it here for your enjoyment.

Not long ago I took part in a personal development program that involved taking a very hard look at my life:  my past, my present, and my future.  It called for some rather deep contemplation on what my life had been up to this point by looking at where I'd come from:  regrets of the past, things I wished I had and had not done.  Through a series of worksheets and blog posts, I was required to write my own obituary and my epitaph.  I identified my core values, wrote a mission statement and a vision statement.  I attempted to identify my strengths, my weaknesses, my opportunities and my threats.  All of this was very difficult because I took it very seriously.  I would, however, recommend it to anyone . . . if you have the guts.  Up to this point, it was me looking at me.

Then came the really hard part.

In order to get what they call a 360 degree view, I had to ask three people, who knew me well, to be bruttaly honest with me and answer three two-part questions about me.  I needed them to be extremely frank with me because, if they didn't, it wouldn't be of any use to me at all.  You see, I was to pick one or two things that they saw as a shortcoming and work on those things for the next year.

The questions dealt with what they thought was my best quality and what skills and attributes I had that they felt gave me an advantage in life.  Then, what is my worst quality and, if I could improve one thing to help me better succeed, what would it be.  And finally, where they saw me sabotaging myself and what behaviors, lack of discipline or attitudes they felt held me back the most.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not so surprisingly, some of their answers, between the three people, where the same.  However, one was slightly different.  Now, mind you, I've been told this before . . . in different words. . . but when I was told before, I wasn't trying to be creative and overcome this issue, because I didn't think I could.  I didn't know how.  I felt helpless.  I thought it was just the way it was.

Now, I'm going to give you the full answer, but I'm going to focus on one part of it.  The question was:  What is my worst quality?  The answer:  "Reserved or distant at times.  Reluctant to speak what you are really thinking.  Your kindness probably prevents you from doing this."  And the second part of the question:  If I could improve just one thing about myself to help me better succeed with people and in life, what do you think it should be?  And the answer:  "I believe some people feel inferior or intimidated (actually jealous) around you because you are talented, bright and intelligent.  (Their problem, not yours.)  Help people feel at ease and confident around you."

Several weeks ago I was praying in the altar with everyone else, and we had several women getting prayer and I thought about the fact that all these women, my sisters in Christ, had problems that I knew nothing about.  It occurred to me, also, that they might be the same problems that I have.  Then I thought about the woman with the issue of blood.  I'm absolutely sure she didn't talk about her problem to anybody -- other than those "many" physicians.  She suffered in silence.  We've been talking here (previously in the meeting) about being our sister's keeper and being our brother's keeper.  We've discussed the fact that we all have problems, that we feel isolated and all alone, and we often don't take advantage of the support that is available to us.  We've heard about the responsibility of the mentor in a man to other men.  What I want to look at is why are we afraid to reach out for help.  Why do individuals fail to receive mentoring when it's offered?  I believe, a lot of times, the answer is contained in my friend's answers to me.  Others see us as unapproachable, inaccessible.  They feel intimidated by us.  I mean, its not that we intend to come across that way, but we just do.  So what do we do about it?  That answer is also contained in my friend's answer:  "Help people feel at ease and confident around you."  And you do that by learning how to connect with people.

How many of you like spiders?  I don't like spiders but I admire spiders.  They are amazing creatures.  They are masters of the "Law of Attraction"!  They create this intricate, beautiful, delicate, but incredibly strong and effective, web in which they catch their prey.  They actually do it to harm their victims, but I want us to look at it as a way to draw in those that need us and need our support.  A spider web is made up of many connections.  And that's what I want to talk about today:  Connecting.  And the way I want to relate it to a spider web is that when we learn how to connect, we teach, by example, and others learn to do the same thing and eventually, we have this intricate, beautiful, delicate, but incredibly strong and effective, web to catch those that are falling and need to be supported by our love and compassion.  There should never be one who goes out from our midst, hurting and alone, who needs our support and we didn't give it!

So what is connecting?  I've been reading a book by John C. Maxwell, titled "Everyone Communicates, Few Connect", and I highly recommend it! (quotes are in italics)  Dr. Maxwell says that "Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them."  He affirms that "the success of your relationships is determined by how well you can connect."  In reading this book, it occurred to me that Jesus is, and was, the Master Connector, and I think you will come to understand that.  Obviously, the women with the issue of blood was not afraid to approach Jesus.  Even though she was, in her condition, considered unclean and no one was to touch her.  Somehow she knew that she could go to Jesus . . . and, yes, even touch Him!  She knew instinctively that He wouldn't turn her away.

Just because you are talking to someone or going back and forth doesn't mean you are connecting.  Communicating and connecting are two very different things.  As mothers and fathers, you can probably understand it better by thinking about your children.  Have you ever felt like you just weren't getting through to them?  When you see that "light" of understanding go on in their eyes, you will have finally connected!  There is an invisible barrier between you and whomever you're talking to and you have to break through that barrier to really connect.  You can tell when someone is really getting what you are saying . . . and, also, when they've turned you off!

The ability to connect begins with understanding the value of people.  It's all about others!  It's never about me (or you, as the case may be.)

The principles behind connecting are:  1) focusing on others;  2) realizing that it goes beyond just mere words, but includes actions, attitudes, behavior, and body language;  3) being willing to put forth the effort and energy required to make that connection;  and 4) learning from those who know how it's done.

You have to find common ground.  Keep your communication simple, capture their interest, inspire them, but, above all, be real.

Talk more about the other person and less about yourself.  Bring something of value to the conversation.  Ask if there is anything you can do for them.  Jesus always gave His full attention to the individual, offering compassion, help and healing to them . . . at the point of their need.  And He always asked them if He could do something for them . . . ."wilt thou be made whole?"

I love this quote:  "If you want to connect to others, you have to get over yourself."  Almost everything we become and all that we accomplish in life are the result of our interaction with others.  You have to tear down the "ego" wall and use those very same stones to build a bridge of warm compassionate relationship.

I mentioned before, you have to find common ground.  It's difficult to find common ground with others when you're the only person you're focused on!  And there are barriers you have to overcome in order to find common ground.  You cannot assume anything.  You can't put people in a box.  People have different temperaments and that is not going to change.  I've said this for years:  Everybody thinks differently and just because someone is acting in a certain way doesn't mean they are thinking the way you would be thinking if you acted that way.  You have to work at understanding others.  You cannot be arrogant.  We need each other.  You cannot be indifferent.  Comedian George Carlin joked, "Scientists announced today that they had found a cure for apathy.  However, they claim no one has shown the slightest bit of interest in it."  Indifference is really a form of selfishness.  The final barrier to overcome is control.  Finding common ground is a two-way street.  You have to be open.  It has to be give and take.

If you want to help people and truly make a connection with them, you have to communicate an attitude of selflessness . . . not selfishness.  If you can learn to care about others, you can learn to connect.  You have to forget about your own worries and needs and focus on the other person's.  Calvin Miller says, when most people listen to others speak, they are silently thinking:

"I am loneliness waiting for a friend,
I am weeping in want of laughter,
I am a sigh in search of consolation,
I am a wound in search of healing.
If you want to unlock my attention,
You have to convince me you want to be my friend."

They have to believe that you really care.

Whether you, or even the other person, realize it or not, when you communicate with someone, they are asking three questions about you:  1) Do you really care for me?:  2) Can you really help me?; and 3) Can I trust you?  That's a big one.

If you can make that other person feel valued, then you will have connected.

And your message must be sincere.  It must contain a piece of you.  You must be the message.  It's been said that "nothing can happen through you until it happens to you."  I like the word "empathy".  What's the difference between sympathy and empathy?  Webster's describes sympathy as "the sharing in the emotions of others, especially the sharing of grief, pain, etc.;  a feeling for the ills, difficulties, etc. of others."  But empathy is described as "the power to enter into the feeling or spirit of others."  Sympathy can almost vie a sense of detachment, but empathy requires total involvement.  And it's all a function of attitude.  Dr. Maxwell says, "Attitudes are the real figures of speech."  People know if you care.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "What you are speaks so loudly that I can't hear what you say."

We did a little exercise earlier showing both sides of this subject:  individuals identifying a problem they had, voicing it to their brothers and sisters, and others responding with offers of support.  One thing that made those responses extra convincing was that those same problems had happened to both individuals.  But I think you will also have to agree that the feeling of sincerity was genuine.  We were focusing on each other's problems, rather than our own.  And I have just barely touched the surface of this subject of connecting, but it's a start.  It's a place for us to begin and, to quote Saint Francis of Assisi via John Maxwell, "Start doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

At the end I invited everyone to take hold of a gigantic spider web that I had made with the help of my husband and mother, in another activity to give a visual for what I was talking about and we sang the song:

You're my brother, you're my sister,
So take me by the hand:
Together we will work until He comes!
There's no foe that can defeat us
When we're walking side by side.
As long as there is love we will stand!

And I want to extend the same sentiment to you, my Reader:  Lean on me . . . . I'll be your friend!